Controlling your sexual desires before marriage

Controlling your

 sexual desires 

before marriage

As long as we reside in this temporal, mortal body made of dust, sexual desires are meant to sneak in and out. Sexuality was God’s own idea in the first place and He intended it for marriage; however, these desires are not limited to only married individuals but every growing human. This give rise to the question ‘what do I do with my sexual desires before I get into marriage? While we were all growing up, we heard several sermons on abstinence from fornication, masturbation, and the like; yet we ended up failing God sometimes. That notwithstanding, because the topic is not broadly discussed, those who fall for the first time to their sexual emotions starts to think there is no means of control thus continue to live in slavery of these desires through various means. That is why we have increased sexual sins within our campuses and even homes. There are growing boys and girls as well as men and women who are battling with sexual desires with no one to talk to about it. What if I tell you I have had my own experiences to deal with and have heard the experiences of a thousand dozen more from friends, family, close allies and confidant and how they positively or negatively handled it? Let’s take a tour through some of the stumbling blocks to controlling your sexual desires and how you can control this inevitable feeling.

THINGS THAT INFLUENCES YOUR SEXUAL DRIVE

Pornography and Sexual Images

Most often than not, we attribute ‘garbage in garbage out to computers but the assessment of my own weak body and that of all human race, has made me realize that this important term relating to computers is without doubt also parallel with humans. Like a seed sown to the ground, pornography movies and pictures you watch take seed within your mind and begin to form your attitude. Pornography, sexual images appearing on your computer and Facebook pages, sexual lyrics in music as well as sexual scenes from movies are stumbling blocks to your purity and sanctification before God.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴ Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. ⁵ For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ⁶ Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. ⁷ Therefore do not become partners with them; ⁸ for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord Ephesians 5: 3 – 7

There are some who believe that there is nothing wrong in watching these images since it gives you an idea of what sex is all about and trains you for your marriage. But contrary to this the Bible stress in the text above that ‘everyone who is sexually immoral has no place in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let therefore no man deceive you that it doesn’t matter to watch these images. The truth we ignore is that, anytime your watch pornographic images or pictures, your libido is awakened which brings suggestions to your mind either at that moment or later days on the need to gratify your own desires.

 Sexual petting and pre-marital romance

Some are of the view that playing around a little does not hurt as long as there is no penetration. WELL… sexual desires are not something you can play around with. That is why Paul mentioned that we flee from fornication. It is not that easy to start deep kissing and sexual petting at dangerous parts of the body without desiring to have more on subsequent occasions. Let no man deceive you with vain words! And my precious ladies, you are even more vulnerable and your honor as a woman is at stake.

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life 1 Thessalonians 4: 3- 7

What I like most about the above scripture is “…not in passionate lust like the pagans”. There is no way your sexual senses will not react to your boyfriend massaging your buts, fondling your breast, giving you deep kisses or sleeping on top of you or you on top of him. We are emotional beings! If you desire to please the Lord and to obtain His favor, he is calling you to be sanctified and to practice self-control. In Hebrews 13:4, God is clear about the fact that, He loves sex once the two are married; but he is ready to judge whoever practices these things before marriage. Some of the consequences of pre-marital sex can be found in:

Proverbs 6: 32-33 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.

Proverbs 2: 19, None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life.

Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?

Important occasions and peer influence

Your desire for sexual gratification may also arise during important occasions such as Valentine’s Day, Birthday, parties, funerals etc. It is important to ensure that closeness in terms of touches with the opposite sex is restrained during important event that brings extreme joy or sadness since they can influence the occurrence of sexual affair or petting which is a sin against your own body and against God. During this season of Christmas and the upcoming new year, I urge all vessels of The Living God to be cautious of where they go for merry making and the people they make merry with. When you are in the midst of friends who usually talk about pornographic topics, excuse them before you become intoxicated with their ideas about sex. The truth is that most people now do not see anything wrong with pre-marital sex, they refer to  it as ‘love making’ DON’T BELIEVE THEM! God’s word is above all things and even if you don’t believe in it, it will still catch up with you at the long run.

 

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality. 1 Corinthians 6:9(ESV)

OVERCOMING SEXUAL SINS

Maybe you have fallen victim to pre-marital sex. If you have, it is not all over yet, God through His son Jesus provides the opportunity for you to be reconciled to Him. The problem is not how easy it is for you to fall but your ability to trust God to bring you out so that it does not become a habit. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says “ if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land”. So surrender your weak body to the Lord and let Him give you strength to overcome any circumstances that may seek to pressure you to sin. Explain to your partner about your commitment to please the Lord in abstaining from pre-marital sex and other activities that leads to this. Sanctify your thoughts by avoiding songs full of sexual lyrics as well as pornographic materials.

PRAYER OF REPENTANCE

Dear Lord Jesus, I am weak, please do not lead me to the temptations of the evil one so that I fail. Protect me from the devices of satan and from circumstances that would pressure me to sin – images that come up on my computer, social network walls, text messages and people who will entice me to give in to temptations. Thank you Lord for making me a vessel of honor.

And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own. Exodus 1:21